where secret things lie

Deuteronomy 30:14 29:29
The secret things belong to the lord our god but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever that we may follow all the words of this law.

Who you are and who I am may be very different people but when you and I entered the world we both saw the world through innocent eyes obviously I don't remember my birth, but my daughters I do vividly and the moment our eyes met I could feel her love she only see the good in me and everyone she came in to contact with.. She's 4 now and although she's changed a lot since that day she still sees the good in people..

As a mother I've messed up many times she's only 4 but these years are the years that mold who she becomes I write that now .. as she plays mind craft .. I'm obviously not the best mother but in her eyes she can see the best in me..

My husband and I have reminisced how much our life has changed and the mistakes we've made and how every year our life gets a little better and a little worst in each department..

I hate the idea of spilling dirty laundry but its already too late the people I know .. know of my short comings and the people I don't will know if they want to.. I have a hard time owning up to my mistakes and saying what I've done out loud .. was it drugs that made me say the things I said .. I don't want to be in denial .. and it may sound like I am but I have no desire now to do anything habit forming and  ...before I justified it to myself (as others surely do) to make myself okay with it.. 2-3 months of my life are missing not because I don't remember because I choose not to.. I am not and was not an addict.. maybe addicted to the sadness.. but if you never fall how are you ever going to get back.. up ..

and the hardest part is knowing the people around you see you drowning and are too afraid to rock the boat and say anything you should never wait until its too late.. or see how they deal with it themselves.. odds are the only reason it hasn't stopped for so many is because they think they're getting away with it.. I don't want to blame others for my mistakes they are MINE and mine alone and I forgive those who stood back and watched.. but if I see you drowning know that I will not stand back and watch .. I will not throw a raft .. I will reach out my hand and do my best to pull you back in..

LOve is not giving up on others even if they've given up on themselves..